When I Was a Child

When I Was a Child

Abba, I miss me so much. I remember what if felt like to be child, I love that child. My imagination, my connection to you, my hope, my dreams, all of my thoughts… my simple joy for the gift of life. I weep a million tears because I can hear that child crying out from the narrow place, the prison buried inside yearning to be free, yearning to be me.

How can it be that I lost you my sweet child, how can it be that through it all I did not hold on to your innocence, your preciousness – why did I let it get to this place. I have let you down. I am sorry that you are so lost and so afraid that you will never be found. I am sorry that I stopped believing in you – I am sorry that I stopped believing that you were the most powerful and precious version of me.

Your cries truly pierce my soul, pierce all of the heavens. Please, strengthen yourself sweet child, I am coming, I will not rest until I find you again, until I find me.

Master of all things, please help me, all I want is to serve you in simplicity to find myself in the child like simple authenticity that you can shine through into this would. My heart is broken, because I remember, I remember what I felt like… I remember what you felt like. Strengthen me please to peel off the masks and pry open the prison doors of regret and exceptions. Lead me back to the place of being me, the real me, to one who knows how to connect to you in the present. The child who sat in the apple tree, knowing that I had value and purpose in the world. Knowing that the most valuable gift I could give was me. Abba in heaven I want to give you me – meet me in this place, give me the courage to never stop until our eyes meet again and we laugh like children together.

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